Happiness never lasts

I'm looking for REAL joy. I'm craving it so badly! And I'm looking in all the WRONG places. That's so silly to think about when I know exactly where to find it! Why do I do it?

Because of the biggest flaw I have in my faith: I'm scared to trust God completely at all times.

As I'm going to be going into the new year, i'm not going to have any new years resolutions. Why strive to change something in my life starting January 1st and give up in the middle of March? Well that's what usually ends up happening to me anyways. I am trying to strive to change each and everyday with fresh hopes and a new mindset each day.

But to do this, I HAVE to trust God COMPLETELY. I have to surrender EVERYTHING. Last night, I sat in my car with Jake just crying and crying for all my imperfections and sin. I came home, and I cried some more. I said a prayer that God would just forgive me and to take it all off my shoulders, and I said I will surrender anything and everything for Him. This morning God told me that I really have to start listening if I truly want to hear Him more clearly.

I've been thinking lately, and there is just something really missing from my life. What is it? I don't know. I want to know God's purpose for me so badly! I have to be closer to God to fully understand that though. And of course to get closer, I gotta start listening and obeying. And to even begin any of that I have to TRUST.

"TRUST in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

That verse is popular for a reason. Its the best advice of truth ever! If I trust, everything else will fall into place! DUH. Why has it taken so long for me to realize this and finally get it? I am too focused on trying to do things on my own and figure it out by myself. But when I do that, I accomplish...NOTHING.

Trusting in the unknown is scary. But God wont throw at me anything I can't handle! He's never going to leave me either. Having faith is so much tougher than anything, but when I have it, the sun looks a lot brighter.

Smiles and teeth are temporary and fade, but the smile on the soul shines bright forever.