I'm looking for REAL joy. I'm craving it so badly! And I'm looking in all the WRONG places. That's so silly to think about when I know exactly where to find it! Why do I do it?
Because of the biggest flaw I have in my faith: I'm scared to trust God completely at all times.
As I'm going to be going into the new year, i'm not going to have any new years resolutions. Why strive to change something in my life starting January 1st and give up in the middle of March? Well that's what usually ends up happening to me anyways. I am trying to strive to change each and everyday with fresh hopes and a new mindset each day.
But to do this, I HAVE to trust God COMPLETELY. I have to surrender EVERYTHING. Last night, I sat in my car with Jake just crying and crying for all my imperfections and sin. I came home, and I cried some more. I said a prayer that God would just forgive me and to take it all off my shoulders, and I said I will surrender anything and everything for Him. This morning God told me that I really have to start listening if I truly want to hear Him more clearly.
I've been thinking lately, and there is just something really missing from my life. What is it? I don't know. I want to know God's purpose for me so badly! I have to be closer to God to fully understand that though. And of course to get closer, I gotta start listening and obeying. And to even begin any of that I have to TRUST.
"TRUST in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6
That verse is popular for a reason. Its the best advice of truth ever! If I trust, everything else will fall into place! DUH. Why has it taken so long for me to realize this and finally get it? I am too focused on trying to do things on my own and figure it out by myself. But when I do that, I accomplish...NOTHING.
Trusting in the unknown is scary. But God wont throw at me anything I can't handle! He's never going to leave me either. Having faith is so much tougher than anything, but when I have it, the sun looks a lot brighter.
Smiles and teeth are temporary and fade, but the smile on the soul shines bright forever.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Saturday, December 25, 2010
RANT: Don't hate on love
"Falling in love requires a leap of faith and a soft landing isn't guaranteed."
"Love is like a needle. You can't feel it enter, but you know its there. You feel the pain, then it subsides. You don't feel it leave, and its unbearable after."
The famous..."I love so much it hurts."
Two things that all these quotes have in common are:
1. Overused by people ages 12-16, maybe older on Facebook
2. It's total...GARBAGE.
These uses of "love" are completely misleading to what love actually is. People have a very skewed image of what love actually is. Having said this, keep in mind I'm talking about love for a human being and not the love that our Father gives us (ill make a point later). But anyways, why associate love with pain?! That's absolutely ridiculous if you ask me. Love doesn't cause pain, but INSTEAD hurting people cause pain.
The million dollar question is, what is love? I can tell you what I think it is and it might not be right, but I do know that I know what love IS NOT. Love can't hurt. When people say "its hurts me to love them" they have a very skewed idea and theyre putting those words together all wrong. It hurts because of lies, just plain douchebag behavior, ugly words/names, violence, and whatever is actually the cause of the downfall in the relationship. Love brings people together and love is what overcomes all those nasty things NOT cause them.
Think chemistry equations.
Love -> 6joy + 4delight + 2comfort + 3peace
Giggles, I just made those numbers up.
Lies + cheating + violence + 2asshole activity -> 2broken hearts + hurt
Have I been in love? Yes. I'm in love with God and I love my boyfriend. Have I been hurt? More than I want to count.
With my love for God will give you a clear picture. I LOVE my Lord. I will proclaim it loud and proud. He makes me who I am. But when I sin and fall into Satan's temptations, He probably isn't too happy. But I TRY (keyword) not to do any of that because I love Him, its like I have to forget that He loves me to do that. BUT I repent because I love him. Love is strong and overcomes!
My boyfriend and I have been together a few months now and recently we've been telling each other we love each other because I truly believe we do. He makes me stronger, happier, friendlier, and just uplifts me every second. I think that's what love is about. Thank goodness that we haven't gotten into any huge arguments and I don't think we will because we care about each other too much. We have each other in mind. When you have something in mind, its hard to act contrary unless you have a pile of rocks for a conscience.
Quit giving love a bad name! Love never hurt anybody.
My attempt at wisdom:
A PART of this thing we call love is cheering someone on. - MSK
Monday, December 20, 2010
Running towards Dad
I wasn't hearing God clearly yesterday. My whole day was a warfare of thoughts in my head. I'm getting too many excuses and justifications for my sins in the way of hearing from my heavenly Dad. He loves me so much but dang, I sure put Him through so much.
My biological dad became a raging alcoholic when I was just a teeny one growing up. I've had a few step fathers, but I had one man in my life to raise me pretty much by himself since I was just a little child in this new world that is America and now my home. He is absolutely wonderful, and I call him my daddy because he's been so good to me and pretty much taught me everything I know to be a good person. He has shown me so much grace and mercy while I've been giving him hell. I think most teenagers realize this sometime in their life. But anyways, I can't tell him EVERYTHING about me as much as I would want to, but the honest truth is that he wouldn't be able to handle it.
My Dad in heaven is a whole different story. While it's the same idea of continuous grace and forgiveness after coming home late, lying about whatever I'm trying to hide, or not making my bed in the morning, that grace is magnified to infinity. Yeah infinity is hard to grasp, but my Dad IS infinite and my earthly dad so small and finite. The Lord knows EVERYTHING about me and He CAN handle it. Let's face it, He is the ONLY Being that can. It's comforting, but at the same time it's scary.
It's comforting to me in a sense that He knows what will happen to me, and in the end it'll be alright because I'll be with Him. What's scary is that He knows my every flaw and fault. He knows what I hide from everyone. I can't keep anything from Him.
While I'm on this earth, life is gonna be rough and tough. This is my life marathon run towards God. I get so tired and exhausted though from all the distractions around me. Everytime I start to slow down to walk or take a break, I catch myself in sin. I know God is cheering me on but so is the world to tell me to stop and take a break. It's so so appealing. And after I overcome one sin, I pick up my speed again until I stumble to the next sin. And it sure doesn't take long to get from one to the next.
I learned a lesson. I thought my life was getting pretty good, I have some amazing friends, best grades I've ever had in my entire life, and my boyfriend treats me like a princess. But while I'm thinking that its good, I'm slowing down on my run to take a quick break because I thought I was ahead. Little did I realize that I'll never be able to say I'm ahead. But as soon as I stop, I made some huge huge mistakes. I can't take it back, and I make mistakes everyday. But this one really worried me, and I didn't know what to do about it, except be scared.
Why was I scared though? My Dad is right with me to pick me up and get going again. He doesn't neccessarily have a smile on His face, but he is NOT going to let me give up. God is truly taking care of me more than I will ever be able to imagine.
My biological dad became a raging alcoholic when I was just a teeny one growing up. I've had a few step fathers, but I had one man in my life to raise me pretty much by himself since I was just a little child in this new world that is America and now my home. He is absolutely wonderful, and I call him my daddy because he's been so good to me and pretty much taught me everything I know to be a good person. He has shown me so much grace and mercy while I've been giving him hell. I think most teenagers realize this sometime in their life. But anyways, I can't tell him EVERYTHING about me as much as I would want to, but the honest truth is that he wouldn't be able to handle it.
My Dad in heaven is a whole different story. While it's the same idea of continuous grace and forgiveness after coming home late, lying about whatever I'm trying to hide, or not making my bed in the morning, that grace is magnified to infinity. Yeah infinity is hard to grasp, but my Dad IS infinite and my earthly dad so small and finite. The Lord knows EVERYTHING about me and He CAN handle it. Let's face it, He is the ONLY Being that can. It's comforting, but at the same time it's scary.
It's comforting to me in a sense that He knows what will happen to me, and in the end it'll be alright because I'll be with Him. What's scary is that He knows my every flaw and fault. He knows what I hide from everyone. I can't keep anything from Him.
While I'm on this earth, life is gonna be rough and tough. This is my life marathon run towards God. I get so tired and exhausted though from all the distractions around me. Everytime I start to slow down to walk or take a break, I catch myself in sin. I know God is cheering me on but so is the world to tell me to stop and take a break. It's so so appealing. And after I overcome one sin, I pick up my speed again until I stumble to the next sin. And it sure doesn't take long to get from one to the next.
I learned a lesson. I thought my life was getting pretty good, I have some amazing friends, best grades I've ever had in my entire life, and my boyfriend treats me like a princess. But while I'm thinking that its good, I'm slowing down on my run to take a quick break because I thought I was ahead. Little did I realize that I'll never be able to say I'm ahead. But as soon as I stop, I made some huge huge mistakes. I can't take it back, and I make mistakes everyday. But this one really worried me, and I didn't know what to do about it, except be scared.
Why was I scared though? My Dad is right with me to pick me up and get going again. He doesn't neccessarily have a smile on His face, but he is NOT going to let me give up. God is truly taking care of me more than I will ever be able to imagine.
"He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint." - Isaiah 40:29-31
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)