6 weeks later..

I promised myself and more importantly to God that I would change my life around after Summit '10. How has it worked out?? My first blog describes a few of my struggles. I've overcome a lot, but I have to keep pushing myself and keep pursuing Christ. Every little step counts. My small group and youth group has helped me in such amazing ways. They love me, but they also keep me accountable. Being kept accountable is much harder than keeping someone else accountable.

This summer I've been convicted the most about the sin of partying, getting drunk, and disobeying authority by partying. If Jesus were to come back when I was at a party laughing, making jokes, and playing drinking games, what am I suppose to say? Why am I exposing MY Holy Spirit to sin? Who am I to ruin the GIFT and the HOLY temple that the ETERNAL KING has given me? I've never recieved a gift from my grandparents and threw it away infront of them, I write thank you notes to them. I need to be writing my lifelong thank you note to my Father, starting NOW. I've been given this awesome life with great blessings, and what am I doing with it?

I'm no longer in guilt with my sin because God doesn't make us feel guilty or dwell. He convicted me, and I'm forgiven. Why would He?! He's been doing all these great things for me, and all I've done is been selfish. Because He LOVES me. More than anything that anybody on this earth can comprehend. Because of this amazing undescribable love, He gave humans the GIFT of free will so that we would grow to FALL in love with Him. He's been letting me make my mistakes for a reason. The hardest part, is to grasp the idea that I need to CHANGE. Even harder is to actually follow through with the change. BUT, if we keep LIVING in our sin, we have nothing to look forward to, except for death.

When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. - James 1:13-15

During the 6 weeks, I've partied some, but a WHOLE lot less than before. It's a different life, that's for sure. Yeah, I'm excited about it, but my relationships in Christ tell me that I have to get to my next step which is to stop all together. Finally, the idea is for me to be repulsed by the things I used to do and not want to be around it at all. It's extremely hard for me to hear the things that my leaders and peers tell me, but I NEED to hear it and it is a GOD thing. My small group leader told me last week these verses:

"My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover over a multitude of sins." - James 5:19-20

My brothers and sisters in Christ are OBLIGATED to tell me that what I'm doing wrong is WRONG! They are encouraged by the gospel to change me because it saves their LIVES and covers more than just my sin that I would commit. The beginning of the chapter describes how we have to be ready when the Lord comes back and that we are supposed to confess each other our sins, pray for each other, and be strong together. I have been very wrong to stiff arm some of my small group members regardless of what I think of them.

In conclusion, I am BLESSED to have this temptation. It is bringing me closer to Christ and others that love me. We have to consider it pure JOY when we have trials (James 1:2-3). I'm going to come out of this beautifully.

Perception

I'm currently reading a book called unChristian. I'm only a few chapters in, but it's already got me questioning my own faith. I'm in a chapter of the book that focuses on perceptions that "outsiders" have on Christians. Does it matter what other people think of my faith and religion?

"What people think about Christians should help us be objective. Outsiders kept telling us that Christians are not realistic or transparent about themselves. An important perspective we should embrace is "You are what you are, not what you tell people you are." As Christians, however, we need to make continual, honest evaluations of ourselves so that we can uncover the ways in which our lives do not accurately reflect what we profess."

That really made think. How am I supposed to engage my friends and those who I care about if they have negative views about Christianity? What they think DOES matter, if I'm going to try to engage them. So it matters if my life doesn't reflect a Christlike one. I really need to focus on what I need to submit to God and the struggles that pull me away.

Here goes my honest evaluation of myself and are in no particular order:

1. I gossip probably...ALL of the time. I'm a girl in high school, but that should be NO excuse. “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid a man who talks too much" - Proverbs 20:19. If someone hears me gossiping and telling the latest secrets or affairs in somebody's life, how are they going to trust me that I wont do the same with them? If I am representing Christ, my conversations should look welcoming and loving. SOLUTION: Think before saying. Harder thought and spoken than typed.

2. Materialism, (noun): preoccupation with or emphasis on material objects, comforts, and considerations, with a disinterest in or rejection of spiritual, intellectual, or cultural values. The more I think I need new clothes, new phones, or whatever to be happy, the more I don't depend on God to fulfill my life and REAL needs. SOLUTION: Quit job, no income for nice clothes, nice food, nice THINGS. My heart has really opened up to volunteering and being with kids that have almost never had anything new, and in my comfortable little life, I will only use something if it's new.

3. My hardest struggle. The sin that weighs more on my heart than anything else. I love to be the life of the party. I love getting drunk and dancing, doing crazy things, or whatever. The disillusion is that alcohol makes me feel "FREE". But real freedom comes from Christ. True love, true happiness, and true freedom comes from God. What makes me feel "free" is the social butterfly I become, I feel like I could do anything, and it makes me happy. WRONG. In how many ways? First, it's straight up illegal for me to be consuming alcohol. Until I am of age, there is no way that I should be drinking! I am to OBEY authority. Two, if it's against the law, it's DEFINITELY against my parent's rules. Three, I canNOT do anything, because it slows everything down. I could probably find dozens of scriptures that make my situation totally wrong. God's freedom is unmeasurable to anything in this world. Freedom from sin...freedom of grace...FREE WILL... God's freedom brings so much more joy! And joy from God, beats anything I've ever experienced! SOLUTION: Plain and simple. STOP drinking. Actually stopping...praying that I'll get the strength. It's a constant battle for me.

All three of these issues I have are not lining up with Christ. I definitely have more issues but these are the ones that I'm trying to work on NOW. NOW is the time for me to change, and FOREVER is how long it needs to last. I want to engage my friends so badly, but I don't want them to see me as a hypocrite. I am addressing my problems as real problems and I plan to do something about it. Maybe my friends and the people I hang out with can change their schema of me as a Christian.